escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
