Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
