Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just cropdusted the office
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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