I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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