Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
