I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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