Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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