My hair reeks of homosexuality.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
