the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
