my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
