Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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