I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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