haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
