mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
