I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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