We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
