i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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