If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
