I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
