that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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