when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
