if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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