Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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