If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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