My liver just broke up with me...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
