when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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