omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
