I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
