Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
