You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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