I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
