The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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