I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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