I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
