he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
