Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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