Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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