i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
