Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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