vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
