At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
