Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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