So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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