Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
