So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
