theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
