In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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