Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
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