So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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