i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
